The man under the mask
by IcyMoonOnStage
Summary: The Avengers find out about Tony's self harm scars. Established Steve x Tony, Stony Triggers: Self harm, depression
1. Chapter 1

Black Sabbath was blasting through the speakers as the resident genius worked on improving yet another Iron Man suit. The music was deafening but Tony didn't pay that much attention to it. That's why when it stopped it took him awhile to realize it.

"Jarvis, is there a reason why I can't hear my music?" He asked and looked at the camera accusingly.

"No need to worry, Stark, a lot of people start losing their hearing at your age" Tony jumped and turned to glare at Clint who was sitting on a desk and playing with some wires he found. "It's completely natural."

"I am not that old, Robin Hood, and you are not that young" he said while taking the wires out of his hands before he could break them, "Not that I don't appreaciate your magnificent presence, but why exactly are you in my cave?"

"Don't you remember? It's Team Bonding night and your lovebird demanded that you must be there, since you skipped the last two." Tony groaned as Clint smiled smugly and took him by the arm.

"Do I have to?" Tony whined, "Can't you just tell Capsicle that I actually have a job, unlike you freelancers?"

"Nope!" Clint exclaimed as he dragged him out of the lab and into the elevator.

"Living room, Jarvis, if you wouldn't mind." Tony looked at Clint in surprise.

"Since when are you so polite, Legolas?" Clint answered with a glare but Tony saw the amusement behind it.

As soon as the door opened, Tony started thinking about running past Clint and back to the lab. That thought must have shown on his face because soon enough Clint put his hand around his shoulders stopping his escape plan.

When they approached, Thor was the first to notice them and soon everyone's eyes were on them.

"Anthony! Glad to see you're out of your workshop, friend!" Thor half-yelled which made everyone, except the super soldier, wince.

"Jesus, Thor, remember what we talked about inner voices?" Tony complained while Steve got up with a grin and hugged him before they connected their lips in a deep kiss which resulted in some cheering and a fake gag from Clint.

"Get a room, you two!" They separated, both breathing heavily, and sat on the couch as Tony fliped off Clint behind his back.

"Did you even get out of the lab while I was on the mission?" Steve asked while brushing his hand through Tony's unkept hair. He knew the answer, but he still asked, just to see how Tony would try to get out of it.

"Uhh, yeah..."

"Liieeesss."

"Shut up, Clint"

"Seriously, Tony?" Steve sighed exasperated, "At least tell me you've been eating and sleeping normally."

"I've been eating and sleeping normally."

"No."

"I've been eating normally."

"No."

"...I've been sleeping normally?"

Steve just glared as a response while Tony gave him his most innocent smile.

"Hey guys, what have we missed?" Tasha and Bruce thankfully chose that moment to enter. Steve shot him a 'We're-not-done-with-this' look before taking the bowl of popcorn out of Bruce's hands.

"We were just about to start watching." Bruce and Tasha sat while Steve set the movie.

"Wait, what are we watching?" Everybody turned to Thor who was in charge of picking the movies.

"Well, my friends, since Captain and I missed a lot of good movies, I have decided to watch what lady Darcy recommended."

They all turn to the TV as the opening credits for Bambi start to play.

Everyone was silent for a moment, questioning Darcy's taste in movies, but soon enough they were absorbed in the story. Some tears were shed when Bambi's mother was killed from the Asgardian prince, but other than that, there were no interruptions.

Huh.

Steve looked at Tony to see the reason why the man didn't make any of his usual witty remarks just to find Tony nuzzled in Steve's side with his hand tightly clutching Steve's already crinkled shirt. His bangs were covering his closed eyes and he was slightly snoring.

His boyfriend's adorableness made Steve blush and smile softly

He tighten his arm around his lovers' hips which resulted in Tony nuzzling deeper into his chest.

"Aww, that's adorable." Clint whispered next to him with the same smug face he always has.

"Shush, you'll wake him up." Bruce said quietly before Steve had the chance to scold him.

Clint shut up and threw his hands up in surrender.

Steve continued watching Bambi until he sensed movement. He looked at Tony who was trying to make himself comfortable, still sleeping. That's when he saw it.

His sleeves raised up a little so Steve had the full view of the scars that were covering his wrist.

Wait.

"Guys" His voice shook a bit, which made everyone look at him with alert in their eyes.

Steve grabbed Tony's hand and raised his sleeve, carefully so he didn't wake him up, to reveal the seemingly endless scars.

Someone paused the movie and turned the lights on but Steve was too dazed to notice it

Tony was self harming.

Tony, his beatiful, witty, smart boyfriend, was self harming.

He felt like he was going to throw up.

Everyone was now surrounding him as the silence became deafening.

Thor looked confused. Tasha didn't show anything but anyone who knew her could see the emotions written on her face. Clint was shocked and his eyes were shining with tears. Bruce was pale and his eyes were dangerously green.

But Steve was the worst.

His hands were trembling so hard that it was a surprise it didn't wake Tony up. He had trouble breathing as dark thoughts crawled up from the back of his minds. He was gaping and silent tears were streaming down his cheeks.

At that moment Tony started waking up and everyone quickly returned to their seats in a quiet agreement that they were not going to tell Tony what they just saw. Not yet at least.

Steve wiped his tears and looked at Tony with a soft smile that had just a bit of sadness. Thankfully Tony was too sleepy to notice.

"It already ended?" Tony's voice was a bit slurred from sleep as he streched and got up. "Well, I still have to finish that project"

"No, you don't. You're tired and haven't slept in awhile. Go to bed." Natasha said in her commanding tone. She gave him a 'you-don't-want-to-fight-with-me' look that would have made even Steve shiver if not for what he just saw.

"You're no fun." Tony sighed as his eyes fell on Bruce who was trying to cover up that he was currently fighting down Hulk.

"You okay there, Bruce?" Bruce looked up and gave him a shaky smile to let him know it was nothing. Tony seemed a bit hesitant but thankfully didn't question it. He bent down to Steve and gave him a quick kiss and walked away with a yawned 'good night'.

When the elevator door closed, everyone was silent for a few minutes while one question seemed to suffocate the whole room.

"What just happened?"


	2. Chapter 2

2

There were voices. Loud voices. Everywhere.

They're yelling at him, reminding him of every mistake he ever made. Blaming him for every death. All the blood on his hands. So much blood.

There are some voices he recognizes. Those were the voices from his past. Yinsen, Obadiah, Jarvis, his mom,... Howard. He was the loudest of them all.

"How did I ever end up with such a stupid son like you"

"You're a Stark, goddamnit, act like it!"

"Are you crying, boy?"

"You're nothing compared to Captain America."

"Steve was perfect"

"Steve is a hero"

Hero. That word always confused him. What makes someone a hero? He remembers reading a quote a famous person once said: "I think we all do heroic things, but hero is not a noun, it's a verb"

It took him a while to realize what the words mean. When he understood it he started thinking about all heroic things Captain America did. He was a soldier, he saved people, he protected his country, but most importantly, he saved a city from exploding killing himself in the process.

Was that what makes a hero? Sacrifice?

When Fury told him about the missile heading for New York, the word 'hero' was the last thing on his mind. He knew he was no hero. All his weapons in the hands of terrorists are enough to prove that. But still, there was a traitorous piece of him hoping that now he could be a hero.

His father could be proud of him.

He could be like Captain America.

That thought disappeared with his last breath as he closed his eyes and prepared himself for what he knew he deserved.

But he didn't die. He woke up. Steve's stupidly handsome face was staring at him with relief along with Thor and Hulk. That confused him. Why would they be relieved he was alive? They hated him. All of them.

He was even more confused when they did the unthinkable. They stayed.

There was no reason for them to stay. There was no threat, New York was safe - well, as safe as New York can get - and people loved them.

Yet, they stayed.

He decided to enjoy it while it lasted. They hung out, watched movies, ate, laughed together. It was weird.

As the days passed, he and Steve got closer. Which surprised everyone since they were total opposites. Steve was old fashioned, while Tony was modern. Steve still has faith in humanity, while Tony prefers robots and AIs. Steve was perfect, and Tony was... broken.

When they began dating, Tony was constantly waiting for the day Steve realizes that he made a mistake in choosing him. Either that, or Steve's just dating him because he feels pity towards him and will brake up with him when he gets tired of him.

Those two are the only way that the relationship could end.

And when Steve leaves, and he will, so will the rest of the Avengers.

And he will be alone. Again.

Of course there's Rhodey and Pepper, but they're already close to the breaking point with him.

Tony knows all of that even without his father's voice reminding him.

He knows he's worthless. Unlovable. Stupid. Arrogant.

That knowledge hurts, and the only way to stop the emotional pain, is with physical.

So, he cuts. At first it was the only way to escape reality but now he just knows that it's necessary because he deserves it. He deserves the pain.

Of course, he didn't tell it to anyone. He doesn't want people to know he's weak. His masks are the only thing he has left. So he hides it and suffers inside while smiling on the outside.

Like how his father said, Stark men are made of iron,

...but even iron can break.


	3. Chapter 3

3

When Steve finally decided to join Tony in bed, a couple of hours passed where the Avengers tried to figure out what they just saw.

He was surprised when he actually found Tony in bed, sleeping, instead of in the workshop, working on another project. As quietly as possible, he layed next to him and tried not to wake him up by his shuffling. He didn't succeed.

"St've?" Tony's sleepy voice made him stop and he turned to look at him. Tony's hair was ruffled and his eyes shined even in the darkness surrounding them. Steve felt a strong urge to protect him as soon as those tired eyes fell on him.

"I'm right here, darling." Steve whispered. He gently pulled Tony towards himself and embraced him trying to protect him from all the evil on this world even though he knew it wouldn't help. The evil already did the damage.

Tony rested on his chest and Steve found himself running his fingers through Tony's hair until he felt his breath even out and his eyelids close.

"I'll always be here" He muttered in Tony's hair in the softest voice he could manage. Tony just clutched Steve tighter and adjusted himself as a response.

Steve rubbed Tony's wrist that rested on his chest carefully, afraid he'll cause him pain even though he's asleep. He felt too much pain in his life and Steve would rather die than be the cause for more.

He closed his eyes and tried to push the thoughts pilling up in his head out.

Steve woke up in an empty bed with Tony nowhere in sight. He stretched and untangled himself from the mess of blankets, then walked to the kitchen where his coffee was already done and waiting for him. Silently thanking Jarvis, he decided to go look for Tony in the room he spends the most time in. His workshop.

The workshop was blaring with loud rock music and a distant clanking of metal could be heard.

"Tony?" He had to yell to be heard over the loud sound of... well, everything.

Tony was in the middle of the room, working on something Steve couldn't see since he was turned away. His hair was messy and dirty and his clothes were old and ripped, yet still looked stylish. But, there was something that got Steve's attention. He wasn't wearing long sleeves, only a tank top. It was the first time he saw his arms since the last movie night. Only then, did Tony notice him. He turned towards Steve which let Steve have a full wiev of his scars.

"Steve!" His voice was panicked and his eyes were wide with fear and shock, "I thought you'd still be sleeping." As he talked, he hurriedly started putting his long-sleeved shirt on until Steve stopped him with a gentle, yet firm hand on his shoulder. Tony couldn't muster up the courage to look him in the eyes so he just kept staring at the shirt in his hands.

"Honey, please look at me" The thickness in his voice mirrored the tears in his eyes as he moved some wires from a nearby desk and sat Tony on it. Tony's hands were now on his eyes so Steve put his own hands on Tony's wrists to gently move them which made Tony wince.

As if burned, Steve removed his hands, horrified when they came back bloody.

That's when he noticed Tony was shaking and silent sobs could be heard. Steve wiped his hands on his shirt and grabbed a few bandages in the bathroom connected to the workshop.

Tony was still shaking when Steve took his wrists and bandaged them as best he could. Soon, Tony's entire forearm was covered in bloody bandages. The whole time Tony was quiet and didn't resist Steve. Thankfully, he stopped shaking and his sobs turned into hiccups. He kept his gaze on anything but Steve, and Steve knew that his mind was currently filled by self loathing ent and humiliation by the way he kept wiping his eyes forcefully, like he's mad at himself that he showed weakness in front of him.

Steve's hands were cupping Tony's hands as he lifted them up to his lips and put soft kisses on his knuckles. With every kiss, Tony's walls kept lowering and dissapearing until he was openly sobbing in Steve's arms while he muttered sweet nothings and ran his fingers soothingly through his messy locks.

They stayed like that for awhile, Tony sitting on an empty table with Steve kneeling in front of him, both finding comfort in each other, both needing the other to just be... there, both with completely different storms in their minds.

Even though there was a part of him still shouting that Steve will leave him, Tony let himself be embraced by the man he loves and forget about his troubles even for a minute.

When Tony completely composed himself, he let go of Steve, gave him a reassuring smile and with a pat on his shoulder, he got up and apologized, silently hoping that they won't have to talk about it.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." Steve's voice left no place for arguments as he reached for Tony again. "We can't ignore this anymore, Tony"

Tony stilled as he slowly looked up at Steve with cofusion in his eyes.

"What do you mean 'anymore'?" His voice was not accusatory, yet Steve felt like it was.

"We kinda saw your... scars yesterday..." He let his voice trail off and he suddenly felt afraid that Tony will be angry at him for keeping it a secret. For not helping him.

"'We'?" Tony's voice was bordering on hysteria as he moved away from Steve, "As in, the team. The team saw my scars?"

"Tony-"

"Oh my God!" He was trying to get as far away from Steve as possible, knocking a few things on the floor in the process, "No, this not happening... it can't"

"Tony, honey, you have to calm down-"

"STEVE STOP" The emotion in Tony's voice made them both recoil. "Just... please"

"Stop what?" Even though all he wanted was to comfort him, he knew Tony wouldn't welcome it.

"Stop everything! Stop pretending you care. Stop pretending like you give a fuck about me." He took a deep breath as he looked at Steve with teary eyes, "Stop acting like you love me. I can't take it, right now. Please, go."

"I'm not pretending, Tony."

"Steve, go"


End file.
